Behaviour - Part 1

A person’s character is always judged by his behaviour. This is a very old saying and very true. Man is a social animal and craves for grouping and recognition. To quench this thirst, society came into existence.

Naturally, when something is created, there has to be rules. Society is no exception.

I am going to explain for different categories....Today it is....

Parents

Now let me ask you to do a simple exercise. Use your senses. Let me explain:

1. Close your eyes. Allow your olfactory senses to work. Smell everything around you.
2. Hear everything around you. Even the tiniest sounds and concentrate on a few.
3. Open your eyes and see everything around you.

You will feel something after this exercise – you will feel ALIVE. This was possible because of your parents. They were responsible for creating you. And get this straight and very clear right now. They gave you a huge loan at your birth, which you cannot satisfy in this birth, and not by money alone.

So what do they expect in return? They expect to be loved and respected. I am going to explain the parent-child relationship from two views – Emotional and Monetary

The best way to respect your parents is by understanding them. Some children are successful in such an attempt. But majority do not attempt at all. The steps for establishing a perfect parent-child relationship involves the following stages:

1. Attempting to understand your parents
2. Understanding them
3. Respecting their intentions

Attempt

Emotional View

The most important part in this attempt is to question. When a parent scolds a child, first thing the child must do is to move away from the place of incidence as quickly as possible, say, to another room. The next step is to question. Why did they scold me? Superficial and emotionally stupid reasons such as “They don’t like me at all” should be immediately discarded. The question should be asked by your brain after thoroughly understanding that your parent loves you. Then the reason will be clear. They scolded you because you did not get good marks. Why did you not get good marks? Is it because of you or because of them? Again stupid emotional responses should be brushed aside. On doing so, you will find that you are standing on the wrong side of the fault line.

They created you, and they want to make you a good citizen, a good human being. But the fault lies in the fact that you do not return any favour at all. “Why should I live for them?” is the oft repeated question in the student’s mind.

Remember that they are giving very generous loans. First, they give you life, then facilitate your survival, and finally help you in every step and through every obstacle. So, the first and foremost duty of every human being is to respect his parents.

How can we attempt? By empathy. Putting ourselves in their place is the simplest and the most effective of all the methods in trying to understand one’s parents. When your father shouts at you for smoking, for one second and before you shout back, just mentally switch places and visualize yourself in a similar situation with your son.

This small delay will alleviate all friction in parent-child relationship. In such situations, responding immediately is the worst part.

Monetary View

“First Rule of Business, Protect your Investment” – Etiquette of the Banker 1775

They have invested their energy and resources in creating you. By thus creating, they have left you on a credit card. As you grow older, every human may try and some may even succeed in repaying the interest. But the principal will always remain pending.

The first thumb rule in every person’s life should be this – “I should not remain in the debt of others”.

Hence your entire life must be spent on satisfying this thumb rule. Thus, when you die, you will be at the debt of only your parents.

Naturally, the next question will be “If I can never repay this debt, why should I take the effort to repay it?” Again, it comes back to the concept of investment. By investing in a commodity, every investor expects it to yield something in return. And in neglecting your duty of payment, you forget to pay back even the accumulated interest, which at least is within your reach.

The next question will be “If it comes down to money, why cannot I pay a lump sum in the end?” Here comes the concept of life. We arise from nothing and will disappear into nothingness. So how can man take money with him when he dies? So, the payment should not be absolutely monetary, it should be in such a form that your investors feel it and utilize the same. It does not essentially mean luxury. It means comfort and showing them that you care for them. By doing so alone, you may succeed in repaying the interest.

“Why cannot I disobey them in my childhood and then when I become mature and older, repay them back in large amounts?” First point is that maturity and age are completely independent of each other. Secondly, the interest accumulates in a very alarming compound interest manner. The regular payer alone succeeds in repaying back the interest.

Understanding

Once you get the attempt path very clear in your mind, the next step is to actually understand your parent’s intentions. This is where the plot thickens. About 95% of all parent-child relationships in this world are good ones – meaning, both the parents have good characters in them. Among the rest, it’s the parental relationships that will be disturbing. The character of your parents should not be certified by your perspective alone.

In the majority of the cases, the parents will want to protect their investment. Now, I speak for this majority and I can confidently say that whatever they do is with your future in mind and with purity of intent.

Successful understanding involves repeatedly making attempts to understand their actions.

Respect

It is common knowledge that when you start to respect a person’s intention, you begin to respect the person. And this is what will happen if you successfully cross Stage 2.

What you should do:

As a child:

1. Your parents want you to be the best.
2. Your parents love you and your sibling(s) the most.
3. Whatever they do, is for you alone.

As a college going student:

1. Be sincere in the first stage: Attempt.
2. Your perspective is not always the right one. Remember this:

“The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look.”

3. Delay your response to your parent’s altercation at least by a moment.

As a working professional and a married man:

1. You have become independent. But you still have a loan to pay back.
2. You need not keep your parents in your house. But don’t insult them by sending them to an old age home.
3. With your parent’s consent (this clause is very important), relocate them to same city you are residing in.
4. If you are successful in point 3, visit them at least once a week and have a meal with them.
5. Even if they are someplace else, visit them at least once a year.
6. Call your parents regularly (at least twice a week).

In their old age:

1. Keep them with you in your house.
2. Most important, shower your love on them or at least try to show that you care. Therein lies your life’s foremost duty.